You Know Me

1
In my moments of darkness, O God
You found me
In my moments of loneliness
You are with me

2
When people doubt me, O God
You strengthen my faith
When people judge me
You bring comfort

ref
Yet, I often forget your grace
But still you give me your embrace
I wonder how such love exists,
and how can I resist?

bridge
For you know me the most
my strengths, my fears, my ghosts
Because you understand me best
in you I will always rest

“I Am A Christian” by Maya Angelou

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say … “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow.

Baobab tree, baobab tree,
would you spare a thought for me?
I am sad and lonely,
and in need of much merry..

Moving on.

It’s not been easy to move on, so help me God in the process.

And may hope comfort me.

Hope is the thing with feathers

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

– Emily Dickinson

intention vs perception

have you ever done something with good intention, only to be perceived as bad by others?

i recently have. repeatedly.

it certainly doesn’t feel good; it actually hurts. and i’m not sure what to do – should i correct people’s perception by explaining my intentions, or should i just leave it, because i know myself and there will be no need to create more conflict?

how could i have forgotten?

how could i have forgotten,

the salvation that was offered to me just 11 months ago? when i lost most of the blood in my body, but You kept me going strong?

i recalled that i was immediately called to serve, the moment i was healed and recovered from it all.

i couldn’t walk. i suffered tremendous pain.

how could i have forgotten that pain?

please forgive me God, for being badly affected by the rejection which came my way. i promise i will continue to serve You, the way You want me to.

please show me your way.

Thank you, God. To You be the glory.

Like a tree

I want to be like a tree. It is patient. It doesn’t force the fruits to grow, the leaves to bud and the trunk to sap. It just stands strong despite thunderstorms and hurricanes that pass, even sheltering those who need protection. And when it gets trimmed down, instead of dying off, it grows stronger and greener than ever…

Patience

A very nice article on patience, which revolves around an impatient Saint:

Struggling with patience? This impatient saint can help you

“Wait for each other.”

~St Cyprian

“Methinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.” 

~Henry David Thoreau

Prayer to St. Joseph

Blessed St. Joseph, patron of all working people, thank you for the opportunity to build up God’s kingdom through my labors. Help me to be conscientious in my work so that I may give as full a measure as I have received.

May I do all things in a spirit of thankfulness and joy, ever mindful of the gifts I have received from God that enable me to perform these tasks. Permit me to work in peace, patience, and moderation, keeping in mind the account I must one day give of time lost, talents unused, good omitted, and vanity of success, so fatal to the work of God. Glorious St. Joseph, may my labors be all for Jesus, all through Mary, and all after your holy example in life and in death. Amen.

…your heart is all I own.
And in your eyes, you’re holding mine.

~Ed Sheeran

Rejection

Last week has been tough, but it brought quite a revelation for me.

Things I did which I thought were good because I either took initiative or offered help, were flat out rejected. First, a senior shot me down for taking initiative without her “approval”. On another instance, I was totally ditched and asked to offer help somewhere else. I’m not sure if it’s normal, but I felt really hurt. Even if in the end the former resulted in a bigger boss commending my initiative.

In revelation, I think being overly eager for something I’m passionate about could be very annoying to people. I guess for now I will take a step back; I will just respond in kind. So my dear colleagues and friends, you will be able to find me in the background while I reflect and recover. Ciao! =*

About work and duty.

“…and they do it happily, willingly, joyfully, because they have encountered Jesus.”

~Archie ❤

Do not pray for easy lives,
pray to be stronger men.

Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers,
pray for powers equal to your tasks.

Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle,
but you yourself shall be a miracle.

Everyday you shall wonder at yourself,
at the richness of life,
which has come to you by the grace of God.

~Phillips Brooks

Let your lion lie down with your lamb

There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let your lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and nurturing.

When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice only of your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people’s attention. The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without denying your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership. =)

~Henri Nouwen

Love deeply.

Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply.

The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. It is like a plough that breaks the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience the pain of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice.

You can become bitter and decide not to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of yourself and thus gradually build a community within you.

Those you have deeply loved become part of you. The longer you live, there will always be more people to be loved by you and to become part of your inner community. The wider your inner community becomes, the more easily you will recognise your own brothers and sisters in the strangers around you.

Those who are alive within you will recognise those who are alive around you. The wider the community of your heart, the wider the community around you. Thus the pain of reflection, absence, death can become fruitful.

Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

~Henri Nouwen

In low spirits.

I’m scared, I don’t know what to do to succeed. And the more I’m scared, the more I don’t feel like doing it.

Please give me strength to finish this final lap, O God. Please….

I had you.

For a while, I had you.

I nurtured you, I loved you.

But you went away… and I felt a little part of my heart went away, too. Together with a big part of my hope.

Oh, how I wanted you.

I do trust you, God. I trust that this is your will.

But why is it so hard for me to move on? Will time heal me?

😦

Favouritism

It’s not easy to handle, this one.

When you feel like you’ve done your absolute best – always being punctual, working hard, showing utmost loyalty – just to be shoved aside by someone new who is better than you. One who doesn’t always turn up but the boss likes them and always chooses them anyway because of their great abilities.

It feels like you’re only good enough for a certain time, which is, as long as nobody can do the job better than you. Once someone better is in, you have to move to the back of the line, regardless of your loyalty or where your heart lies.

But that does sound pretty fair, doesn’t it? Then why I feel so cheated, unappreciated and downcast? One possibility that I can think of is because it has always been emphasised to us that loyalty is much more valued than ability. If you’re able, but you can’t stay loyal, you’re out. Therefore this incident, which totally contradicted that principle, is really difficult for me to accept.

If I can be honest, at the moment I’m just not feeling the passion anymore, which I always have all my life.

I know that I need to focus on the work itself, I need to focus on the reason why I’m doing this service. Perhaps I need time to come to terms with this: to accept that I’m just not good enough.

So meanwhile, I’ll take a step back, and be invisible for a while. Until time heals.

Please help me, God.

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky

If I let you reach me, will you teach me?

I’ve let go the need to know why

For you know better than I.

self-worth

it’s so, so easy to compare yourself to others, especially those who you think are better than you.

it’s so, so easy to then feel inadequate, to feel like you’re not good enough.

although I hate this trait of mine, I often can’t help it 😦 i’m too competitive, i’m too perfectionist. I can’t stand the feeling of not being my best self.

what little faith I have… please help me, God.

i have to remind myself that You are forever faithful, I have to remember all the blessings that You have given me. they are truly abundant, they are more than I needed. help me not to feel this way. help me to always remember that You have created me, with my strengths and weaknesses, and that because I am worthy of Your love, therefore nothing should make me feel otherwise.

I have to accept that there will always be people who are better than me, who will be chosen instead of me. but I have to always remember that I have been chosen for the roles that I do now, and I have to be grateful for that. But being less capable than other people does not mean that I’m not good enough – it just mean that I am better suited to do other things.

So help me God.

 

 

To sing,

is to think about:

breathing,

phrasing,

enunciation,

pitch,

rhythm,

tone,

resonance,

emotion,

and execute them properly, all at the same time.

 

So help me God.

❤

this is me.

grey hairs,

wrinkles,

eye bags,

worries,

insecurities.

i’m embracing, and accepting, all of me.

A perfect ten

He’s taught us how to love

again and again

No matter how, why

or when:

To sacrifice, and always learn

to understand —

That’s how you know

you’ve loved like a ten.

True beauty

It’s not exquisite clothes that make you look and feel good,

It’s what you do to your body to maintain its health the best you can.

It’s not skillful makeup which makes you beautiful,

It’s the kindness, love and care you exude through your thoughts, words, and actions.

So help me God.

~Verna

I believe in me.

It’s interesting when you are dealing with two very different crowds…

One which is actually super intelligent — they are genuine in their feedback, and always help you to improve. One which you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, one which you are comfortable being inferior to. Because you feel like you can only go upwards with their guidance.

The other one think that they are better than anyone else — this is a crowd which I felt being judged, criticised and ridiculed. However, funnily enough I don’t feel inferior towards them.. because I know I am not, and whatever they do should not make me believe less in myself. But that’s easier said than done, though, because this is the crowd I would feel hurt and stressed out by.

I should really remember always, that whatever I do is for the glory of God, not myself, and for the service of others. That way, doesn’t matter which crowd I have to mix with — I just have to keep improving myself for these purposes.

I hope I will always remember that. 🙂

Lament

Feeling all the grief and sorrow
We live life with shadows in our hearts and minds,
with tears that wait to fall when sorrow in the world is more than we can truly bear.
We hear the cries of children,
we see death cast shadows on their hearts and minds,
as mothers in their grief stand crying,
weeping, weeping, crying, crying,
weeping, weeping for this world.
On our bed of thorns such sorrow must surely end,
our tears can wash away the sins of the world, no more crying, weeping, weeping, crying, crying, weeping, weeping in this world, this world.

~Carol Barratt

❤ Karl Jenkins’ setting to this beautiful poem.

Shouldn’t I be happy?

After passing probably the most difficult examination in my academic life so far, shouldn’t I be happy? Well I guess I was, for a while, until events in the other realm took a turn. I don’t know why – maybe I’m clueless that way, not knowing what to do or say sometimes, not knowing what would offend people.

I feel awful for what I’ve done and said. I have no clue and I’m worried about what others think of me. But again, I always worry on such things. The perfectionist in me often takes over; the need for acceptance often overwhelms me.

Please help me, God. Please guide me. Please guide my thoughts, my words and my actions.